We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
