I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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