Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
