walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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