I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
