No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Say something about gay babies.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm really busy with my period
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