We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dick very happy bro
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
