And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
