yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
