i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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