GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
