I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
