She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
