He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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