Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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