how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
