Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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