I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
