Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
