I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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