I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
