ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
