Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
