im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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