Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
