So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
