He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
