I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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