I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
