you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So. Much. Porn.
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