thus making me awesome and them whores
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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