What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
