dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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