No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
