what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im holly from the hills drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
