Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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