those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
