my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
