it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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