so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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