Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
