THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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