Whod you bang
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
