ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
