I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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