So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
