i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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