Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Your dad touched me again.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
