She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
