Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
