Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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